Associate of Strategic Button‑Clicking

Job description

We are seeking a highly adaptable professional to join our team as Director of Strategic Button‑Clicking. In this role, you will be responsible for clicking buttons with intention, confidence, and no understanding of the consequences. Key responsibilities include: Clicking buttons labeled “Submit,” “Approve,” and “Confirm” without context Attending meetings to discuss whether a button should be clicked Creating documentation explaining why the button was clicked Providing status updates on buttons you have not yet clicked Saying “Great question” before answering unrelated questions This role is mission‑critical, though no one can explain the mission. Required 8–10 years of professional button‑clicking experience Demonstrated ability to click confidently while being wrong Bachelor’s degree in Clicking, Business, or Something Similar Comfort working in a high‑ambiguity, low‑instruction environment Strong verbal skills, especially the ability to say: “Let me follow up” “That’s already on the roadmap” “We’re aligned on that” Preferred Experience clicking buttons that no longer exist Master’s degree for credibility purposes only Familiarity with tools we will not train you on Salary: Competitive (with other imaginary offers) Bonus: Performance‑based (performance undefined) Unlimited PTO: Strongly discouraged Work Environment: Fully remote, except when we miss seeing you Career Growth: Title changes and new responsibilities, same pay If you enjoy structured chaos, vague praise, and being essential but unnoticed , Placeholder Solutions International would love to not hear back from you after you apply.